Identifying the Problem

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Marriage is one of the single greatest journeys any of us will ever take. It is capable of taking us to places of emotional and relational and physical and spiritual fulfillment that are hard to reach by any other means. That doesn’t mean people not so called are stuck incomplete. God calls and cares for them in special ways that go beyond what marriage can offer. But for those called to it, it can be absolutely incredible. At the same time, marriage is hard. It is hard enough that most marriages don’t make it for the lifetime the man and woman promised to each other at the altar. Everyone needs a little help and encouragement along the way. For the next few weeks, we are going to be doing just that in a new teaching series called, The Journey of a Lifetime. In this first part, we are going to identify the primary problem besetting our relationships. Let’s talk about it!

Identifying the Problem

Most of the stories we heard growing up ended with “happily ever after.” And, if the story involved a prince or princess in any way, what was it that likely preceded that famous tag line? A wedding. The characters fell in love, they got married, and they lived—say it with me—“happily ever after.” But did they? I mean, what happened after the credits rolled and the happy couple started to discover that one of them snores and one of them hogs all the covers. One prefers to sleep right in the middle of the bed surrounded by 8,000 pillows, while the other wants just a sheet and a pillow that’s only a step above putting a piece of paper under your head. One showers in the morning and the other at night. One is a morning person, and the other doesn’t honestly function until after the second pot—not cup—of coffee has been consumed. One is content with a bit of chaos, while the other likes to have everything neatly in order. One is always right and the other is never wrong. In other words, they start to find out that marriage is hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. And somewhere along the way, they are tempted to just throw up their hands and walk away because something created by God for our good and His glory couldn’t possibly be intended to be this hard. 

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People greeting outside Grace Community Church beneath a Come As You Are sign

Creating a Welcoming Culture

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“So he told them this parable: ‘What man among yo, who has a hundred sheep and loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open field and go after the last one until he finds it? When he has found it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders, and coming home, he calls his friends and neighbors together, saying to them, “Rejoice with me, because I have found my lost sheep!” I tell you, in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who don’t need repentance.'” (Luke 15:3-7 CSB – Read the chapter)

Have you ever been in someone’s home before where you knew you weren’t wanted? Maybe they didn’t say it out loud, but from the way they greeted you to the way they spoke to you once you were inside to even the state of the house, you knew. They made it abundantly clear. For people who have been a part of a church for very long, it can become an extension of their home. The other members are all brothers or sisters and they are one big family together. Because of this, when someone new comes in the door for the first time, it’s like they are walking into our home. How we receive them communicates whether or not we really want them there. And if we want our churches to be growing churches, we had better think long and hard about that reception. Today we are looking at the sixth ingredient in a growing church. Let’s talk about creating a welcoming culture.

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Woman holding books while a masked guest offers a goblet in a library

Are You Paying Attention Yet?

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“My son, obey my words, and treasure my commands. Keep my commands and live, and guard my instructions as you would the pupil of your eye. Tie them to your fingers; write them on the tablet of your heart. Say to wisdom, “You are my sister,” and call understanding your relative. She will keep you from a forbidden woman, a wayward woman with her flattering talk.” (Proverbs‬ ‭7‬:‭1‬-‭5‬ ‭CSB‬‬ – Read the chapter)

With three chapters now left in this opening section of Proverbs, one of the themes we have seen over and over again is this strong exhortation for the reader to heed the counsel and command of the writer; for the son to heed his father. Inasmuch as this is Solomon writing to his own children, though, we can receive all of this as our heavenly Father’s attempt to pass along His divine wisdom to us. So then, how can we actually receive His wisdom? Let’s talk about some ways.

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Older man placing hand on younger man's shoulder while walking on city street at night

Dancing on Hot Coals Will Burn Your Feet

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“They will protect you from an evil woman, from the flattering tongue of a wayward woman. Don’t lust in your heart for her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyelashes. For a prostitute’s fee is only a loaf of bread, but the wife of another man goes after a precious life. Can a man embrace fire and his clothes not be burned? Can a man walk on burning coals without scorching his feet? So it is with the one who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished. People don’t despise the thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is hungry. Still, if caught, he must pay seven times as much; he must give up all the wealth in his house. The one who commits adultery lacks sense; whoever does so destroys himself. He will get a beating and dishonor, and his disgrace will never be removed. For jealousy enrages a husband, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge. He will not be appeased by anything or be persuaded by lavish bribes.” (Proverbs‬ ‭6‬:‭24‬-‭35‬ ‭CSB‬‬ – Read the chapter)

Our culture is pretty approving of sex in just about any circumstance. Relationships today are just assumed to involve physical intimacy. No one even imagines two people being in a relationship and not having sex. There is one situation, however, that in spite of our actively liberalizing views and tolerances on the subject, we still largely do not support. This is the case even in spite of a determined effort by some parts of our culture to normalize it. I’m talking about cheating. That doesn’t mean it isn’t still terribly common, but we don’t like it. Ingrained godly wisdom helps to explain why. Let’s talk about it.

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Older woman and man walking with young girl hand in hand on a forest path at sunset

The Worth of Wise Counsel

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“My son, keep your father’s command, and don’t reject your mother’s teaching. Always bind them to your heart; tie them around your neck. When you walk here and there, they will guide you; when you lie down, they will watch over you; when you wake up, they will talk to you. For a command is a lamp, teaching is a light, and corrective discipline is the way to life.” (Proverbs‬ ‭6‬:‭20‬-‭23‬ ‭CSB‬‬ – Read the chapter)

I once saw a magnet on somebody’s fridge that made me chuckle. It said, “Ask a teenager while they still know everything.” The idea is one that is certainly familiar to anybody who has navigated the journey of parenting. The confidence of ignorance that youth invites is a potent draught. Nobody at that age wants to listen to the counsel of their parents. Even as we grow, though, we don’t get much better at taking sound advice. To do that means acknowledging that we don’t know everything, and for most of us we are loathe to do that. Solomon’s wisdom here is something all of us could benefit from. Let’s talk about it.

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