Happiness Isn’t the Goal

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Every marriage story our culture tells is always in pursuit of living happily ever after. The trouble is that when you actually get into a marriage, there are seasons when happiness seems pretty fleeting. Complicating this is that we live in a culture that prizes personal happiness above just about everything else. You can perhaps see how this might create some unique challenges for the development of a strong and healthy marriage culture in our nation. The apostle Paul spoke into this challenge almost 2,000 years ago with some counsel that is hard to receive, but if we will receive it with open hands, it has some truly transformational power. As we continue our series, The Journey of a Lifetime, let’s talk about what the real goal of marriage is and why understanding that matters so much.

Happiness Isn’t the Goal

Before 1969 divorce in the United States was hard to come by. That year, the Republican governor of California, Ronald Reagan, signed into a law a bill that allowed for the first time in the nation something called no-fault divorce. Prior to that, if a husband and wife wanted to get out of their marriage, they had to be able to demonstrate enough of some kind of justifiable harm such as abuse, infidelity, abandonment, or something else sufficiently severe along those lines to convince a judge to grant their request. No-fault divorce laws, on the other hand, allowed for couples to simply cite “irreconcilable differences” without having to furnish any kind of proof to back up their claims. In what ought to go down as the least surprising outcome of a public policy ever, within about ten years, the divorce rate in the country more than doubled, bringing with it all of the various social problems associated with divorce. 

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Neither (Religious) Poverty Nor Riches

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“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ because you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers and sisters.” (Matthew 23:8 CSB – Read the chapter)

The average pastor in America (or anywhere else in the world, for that matter) works hard in a little church in total obscurity. He loves his people and they love him. He spends a lot of time working on multiple messages for each week. He visits people in hospitals and in their homes. He meets people for coffee or a meal at least once a week. He does a fair bit of counseling, some of it formal, much of it informal. He has to be reasonably well-versed in managing both people and finances. He has to remember the names and faces and stories of a lot of people in one shot. He probably spends less time with his family than he should, and he definitely doesn’t give himself and his needs (spiritual or physical) the attention they deserve. But he loves the Lord and is utterly in awe of his call to do all of this whenever he has time to stop and think about it. He will one day reach the end of his journey and hear from his Lord, “Well done good and faithful servant.” This is all how God designed pastoring to work at least in this particular cultural context. Sometimes, though, it doesn’t. Let’s talk today about a couple of reasons why and how to avoid them.

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Unwelcome Counsel

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“The one who corrects a mocker will bring abuse on himself; the one who rebukes the wicked will get hurt. Don’t rebuke a mocker, or he will hate you; rebuke the wise, and he will love you. Instruct the wise, and he will be wiser still; teach the righteous, and he will learn more.” (‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭9‬:‭7‬-‭9‬ ‭CSB‬‬ – Read the chapter)

Have you ever had someone try to give you advice you didn’t want? My guess is that you didn’t receive it so graciously. Perhaps if you had been taught by your parents to always be polite you expressed some gratitude, but inside you knew just exactly what you were going to do with that advice: nothing. And you were probably going to resent the person for giving it to you unsolicited in the first place. You might have even determined that you were going to do the opposite out of spite. In that situation, you were playing the part of a mocker. That’s not a great role to play. Let’s talk about it.

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The Party Is Ready for You

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“Wisdom has built her house; she has carved out her seven pillars. She has prepared her meat; she has mixed her wine; she has also set her table. She has sent out her female servants; she calls out from the highest points of the city: ‘Whoever is inexperienced, enter here!’ To the one who lacks sense, she says, “Come, eat my bread, and drink the wine I have mixed. Leave inexperience behind, and you will live; pursue the way of understanding.” (Proverbs‬ ‭9‬:‭1‬-‭6‬ ‭CSB – Read the chapter) ‬‬

Have you ever been to someone’s house who clearly wasn’t expecting you? Nothing was prepared. The house wasn’t clean. Nothing about the place communicated that they were prepared for you or even wanted you there. Now, contrast that with a time you went to someone’s house who clearly was expecting you. There, everything was ready. You were clearly on their mind. They made all their plans around your being there. That felt good. Solomon tells us that wisdom is a good host like this. As much as we need to be searching for wisdom, she is planning on us finding here. Let’s not disappoint.

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The Secret to Real Happiness

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“And now, sons, listen to me; those who keep my ways are happy. Listen to instruction and be wise; don’t ignore it. Anyone who listens to me is happy, watching at my doors every day, waiting by the posts of my doorway. For the one who finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord, but the one who misses me harms himself; all who hate me love death.” (Proverbs‬ ‭8‬:‭32‬-‭36‬ ‭CSB‬‬ – Read the chapter)

We live in a world that constantly tells us we should be happy. All the time. If there is something about our circumstances that is making us not happy, we should change them, or at least get out of them. Happiness is always the goal. I even have a throw pillow somewhere in my house that says so. With little bees on it. Get it? All of this happiness is supposed to lead to our best life now. It even has a hashtag. The trouble is, the methods our culture offers to get us to that goal rarely work for long. Solomon offers us a way to get there that is much more reliable. Let’s talk about it.

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