“In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” (CSB – Read the chapter)

One of the most basic and essential spiritual disciplines that followers of Jesus need to be regularly practicing if they want to grow in their faith is prayer. Prayer is something most everybody intuitively understands, and which the vast majority of the population reports doing on at least an occasional basis, but how exactly does it work? Let’s talk about the discipline of prayer, what it really should be, and why it can be such an effective faith-growing tool.

Almost everybody prays. Who they pray to, what they pray for, and what they even understand prayer to be in the first place is all over the map, but the instinct to pray is fairly consistent. While there is much about prayer that can and should be taught, calling out in need or even merely desire to someone or something higher up the cosmic food chain than us in the first place generally does not. We do that on our own. Humans are incurably religious in that way.

When it comes to Christian prayer, there are a couple of things worth knowing if we are going to get it anywhere in the universe of correct. The first and most important is that prayer is not primarily about getting something we want from God. If you think otherwise, you are setting yourself up to be deeply disappointed.

I have occasionally had held out to me a study by the Templeton Foundation in which they examined the effectiveness of prayer. The study found that prayer does not appear to be as effective as they perhaps imagined it to be because there was no clear correlation between people who were prayed for (or not). Some were prayed for and got sick anyway. Some were not and got well all the same.

While the folks who designed the study were no doubt well-intentioned, the whole thing stems from an incorrect view of prayer at least as the Christian worldview understands it. This means that while the study may reveal something about prayer as a means of making someone who is sick well, it has absolutely nothing to say about Christian prayer. This is because, again, prayer is not primarily about getting something (like a physical healing) from God such that if we don’t get a particular answer, the prayer wasn’t effective.

There are at least two examples of this that come immediately to mind in the Scriptures. The first is when Paul prayed for God to take something out of his life he felt was hampering his ability to effectively minister the Gospel and God said no. God was leaving whatever this was there on purpose. The second is when Jesus Himself asked if there was a path to salvation for the world that didn’t involve the cross. That is, He prayed for a way other than His death to achieve the end of reconciling the world to God. In the very next scene Jesus was arrested and soon found Himself nailed to the cross where He died in pain and agony.

If the prayers of Paul and even Jesus going “unanswered” didn’t mean God hadn’t heard or that their prayers were somehow ineffective, then it is surely the case that our prayers going “unanswered,” that is, of our not getting the particular answer we are seeking, doesn’t mean God hasn’t heard or that our prayers are therefore somehow ineffective either.

Another thing that must be understood about prayer is that God is sovereign and free and not beholden to us in any way. He is the Creator and we are the creatures. We are dependent on Him, not the other way around. We are to follow His commands, not the reverse. God’s will is perfect and just and good, not ours. If we pray for something that we really, truly, sincerely desire, that’s well and good, but it may be that this thing we really want isn’t also what God wants. The reasons for this are manifold, but regardless of the particular reason, the outcome here is that our prayer seems to go unanswered. But again, this doesn’t mean that God didn’t hear or that the prayer was ineffective. It simply means that our will isn’t God’s will on this matter or at this time.

This brings us around to the third thing about prayer we must understand if we are going to get it right. This one is the answer to the question you are perhaps asking at this point: So then, given these two things, what is the purpose of prayer? Prayer is a tool for communication. And, like all tools for communication, its purpose is primarily relational. Prayer is the means by which we build and grow a relationship with God. Effective prayer is prayer that draws us closer to Him relationally.

Growing up, I communicated with my parents all the time. Much of it felt mundane. Some of it was…convicted. A great deal was warm and familial. Occasionally it was contrite. There was one thing, though, that undergirded all of my communication with them: I knew they loved me and were committed to my good. I also trusted that they unfailingly had my best interests at heart. This was the case even when I was being punished for something I had done wrong. Because of this, every bit of communication I had with my parents was building and growing my relationship with them. This was the case even when I asked for things they weren’t willing to give me. It was the case when they were upset with me. It was the case when I was upset with them. I was coming to them in pursuit of a relationship, and so that’s what the ultimate outcome was.

This same thing is the case in our relationship with God. Prayer is the means by which we build and grow our relationship with Him. When we have a baseline trust that He is who He says He is, all of our communication will be happening in a relational context. And when that is the case, all of our communication will be building and growing a relationship with Him.

What this means is that prayer that is ineffective is prayer that doesn’t build and grow our relationship with God. It is prayer that is not made in pursuit of a relationship. This can happen because we don’t properly understand what prayer is. It happens more often because we don’t properly understand who God is. If you don’t understand who God is and out of that ignorance ask for something He’s not going to do at all or in the timing you have in mind, you are going to come away drawing conclusions about God and prayer that are false. But, you started from the wrong place, so there really wasn’t much of a chance of your coming out right in your thinking. The starting point for all effective prayer is our willingness to take God at His word and build from there.

This building is something God wants. That’s what Paul is talking about here. We don’t always know what to pray for. We don’t know how to pray properly. Our prayers are often fumbling and inartful, like a small child trying to communicate with her loving parents. And, just like those loving parents help their little girl improve her communication by doing translating that she doesn’t know how to do, so does God.

“In the same way,” Paul writes here. In the same way as what? In the same way that we hope in God because we have come to trust His word and look forward to the good things He has planned for us that we talked about over the last couple of days. In other words, with that same spirit of basic trust that comes out of the Spirit’s presence in us driving us forward. “In the same way the Spirit also helps us in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with inexpressible groanings.” That is, God translates our jumbled mess of thoughts that seem fairly incoherent even to us into clear and concise ideas that can be presented to God for His consideration.

There’s more here, though. The Spirit doing this translating is the Spirit of Christ, the Holy Spirit. This is the same Jesus as Spirit who is our advocate before the Father. He’s playing both sides. He talks to us and advocates for our interests, and He’s also God and so knows the mind and will of God. “And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because he intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.”

God Himself through Jesus as the Spirit actively advocates for our interests. He translates our prayers. He is working to draw out the ideas in our hearts that are things that align with His will so that those get expressed as prayer; as the kind of prayer He will answer affirmatively. To put that another way, God is working with us and in us when we have placed our trust in Him to help us get the prayer wins we need to keep encouraging us forward in our relationship with Him.

Prayer isn’t easy because we can’t see God the way we can see another person. But He is available and willing to help us when we are willing to take Him at His word. As we lean into that help, stay active in His word and in the church, we will gradually come to experience prayer as exactly what it is for: a means of growing our relationship with God in Christ through the Spirit.