Sometimes the conflict we find ourselves facing in our families isn’t directly our fault. Instead, it’s the fault of somebody up the generational line from us who did some accidental tinkering along the way that resulted in things being where they are. One of the most potent sources of this accidental tinkering is when parents (or grandparents) play favorites with their children and grandchildren. This sets up the subsequent generations for all kinds of frustrating seasons of conflict. Let’s talk about how this can happen and what we need to do about it when it does.
Playing Favorites
Julie Andrews lent her voice to some of the most iconic movie songs ever. One that has always been among my favorites is “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music. In attempting to distract and reassure her nanny charges during a thunderstorm, she invites them to think about their favorite things. We all have favorite things. For instance, my favorite pie is pecan pie. (That’s not to be confused with pee-can pie or pee-cahn pie; those are different.) My favorite baseball team is the Kansas City Royals, who are in the midst of one of the most dramatic season turnarounds in baseball history. My favorite professional football team is the Kansas City Chiefs. I promise we will be magnanimous as we continue to outshine the Patriots’ dynasty in every way. College is all Kansas, of course. My favorite super spy is Ethan Hunt. My favorite drink is probably a cherry limeade from Sonic. My favorite book is probably still C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity, but his The Screwtape Letters would be a close second. Marvel is superior to D.C. Studios on the big screen in every way, and not even James Gunn will fix that. But in the animation department, D.C. owns everyone and it’s not close.
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