Tag: Favoritism

Playing Favorites

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Sometimes the conflict we find ourselves facing in our families isn’t directly our fault. Instead, it’s the fault of somebody up the generational line from us who did some accidental tinkering along the way that resulted in things being where they are. One of the most potent sources of this accidental tinkering is when parents (or grandparents) play favorites with their children and grandchildren. This sets up the subsequent generations for all kinds of frustrating seasons of conflict. Let’s talk about how this can happen and what we need to do about it when it does.

Playing Favorites

Julie Andrews lent her voice to some of the most iconic movie songs ever. One that has always been among my favorites is “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music. In attempting to distract and reassure her nanny charges during a thunderstorm, she invites them to think about their favorite things. We all have favorite things. For instance, my favorite pie is pecan pie. (That’s not to be confused with pee-can pie or pee-cahn pie; those are different.) My favorite baseball team is the Kansas City Royals, who are in the midst of one of the most dramatic season turnarounds in baseball history. My favorite professional football team is the Kansas City Chiefs. I promise we will be magnanimous as we continue to outshine the Patriots’ dynasty in every way. College is all Kansas, of course. My favorite super spy is Ethan Hunt. My favorite drink is probably a cherry limeade from Sonic. My favorite book is probably still C.S. Lewis’ Mere Christianity, but his The Screwtape Letters would be a close second. Marvel is superior to D.C. Studios on the big screen in every way, and not even James Gunn will fix that. But in the animation department, D.C. owns everyone and it’s not close. 

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Digging in Deeper: Mark 5:38-41

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“They came to the leader’s house, and he saw a commotion–people weeping and wailing loudly. He went in and said to them, ‘Why are you making a commotion and weeping? The child is not dead but asleep.’ They laughed at him, but he put them all outside. He took the child’s father, mother, and those who were with him, and entered the place where the child was. Then he took the child by the hand and said to her, ‘Talitha koum’ (which is translated, ‘Little girl, I say to you, get up’).” (CSB – Read the chapter)

Being a parent means wearing a lot of different hats. There’s the chef’s hat. The coach’s hat. The counselor’s hat. The boot camp drill instructor’s hat. The teacher’s hat. The pro-wrestler’s hat (if you have boys). The superhero’s hat (or so says my youngest about me). Lots of hats. My own boys are getting to the age where I’m having to don another hat more often than I like: the referee’s hat. It’s only natural, really. Sorting out issues with other people can be challenging, especially when we’re not willing to give an inch on our desired position. As a result, when we’re kids, we quickly appeal to a higher power to settle disputes for us: a parent. Wise parents know you can’t wear that hat too often or you short-change their opportunity to begin building some problem-solving skills of their own. But man is it tempting to solve things quickly for them so you don’t have to listen to the bickering anymore. The trouble is, when we sort things out, someone isn’t going to be happy. We’re going to be accused of playing favorites. And there’s some truth in that. We play favorites all the time. You know who didn’t play favorites, though, Jesus. And as we finally come to the end of this powerful story, we’re reminded of just how true that is.

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