“Indeed, it is right for me to think this way about all of you, because I have you in my heart, and you are all partners with me in grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how deeply I miss all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.” (CSB – Read the chapter)

Being a part of the church can be tough. Now, some of that depends on the individual church. Some churches are hard to connect with because their culture is broken. But being a part of a church that is healthy and welcoming doesn’t happen automatically. Even the best church takes some work and intentionality to be a part of. It takes building relationships and investing in those relationships over time. When you do that, something like what Paul describes here becomes possible. Let’s talk about it.

If someone visits my church on a Sunday morning there is a better than average chance they’re not coming back a second. Now, that’s not exactly something I’m going to shout from the rooftops, but the number of visitors we’ve had over the years I’ve been here total relative to the number who have gone on to become active members is weighted pretty heavily against the latter.

This is not because there’s anything wrong with my church. I have a wonderful church filled with wonderful people. I was talking with a fellow pastor this week who started his career in ministry many years ago as the youth minister at my church. He told me that he has yet to find another church that is as loving as mine is. I assured him they hadn’t changed a bit since he was here.

People don’t very often come back for a second visit because most people who are visiting churches don’t know how to do it right. If you want to find a church home and you are in an evaluation process, you need at least three weeks of experiencing as full a picture of that church’s life and rhythms as you can. You need to go to everything they offer so you can see the people both in their best behavior in worship and when they let their hair down a bit. You need to go long enough to make sure you didn’t just get one off week for the musicians or a single sermon that fell flat. Once you have done that for three weeks, you’ll be able to make a pretty well-informed decision as to whether or not you’ll be able to connect there.

So, yes, most folks who visit my church on a Sunday morning for the first time don’t come back for a second visit. But folks who come on Wednesday night go on to become members almost 100% of the time. If you experience worship with us, you’ll enjoy your experience and be made to feel very welcome, but you may or may not come back. If you experience community with us, you’ll find your people and a new church home.

But here’s the thing about the difference between these two: coming on a Sunday morning is easy. You just show up. You walk in the door, sit down, and you don’t have to do anything except maybe to stand up a couple of times until you walk out. Yes, I know it takes a lot for some people to visit a church because of church hurt in their past. But even still, visiting a church on a Sunday morning is easy.

Coming on a Wednesday night, however takes effort. It’s more interactive. You’ll be sharing a meal at a small, round table with other people you don’t know. More than one person is likely to walk up to greet you and to engage you in conversation. More people are likely to talk to you as you get your food and take your dishes to the trash after dinner. Yet more people are probably going to talk to you as you make your way to your vehicle or else over to Bible study in the other building. It can be a lot, but the payoff is much more rewarding in the long term.

One of the most gratifying things I see as I experience life around my church is seeing people engaging in conversations with one another, growing and building relationships. I love seeing members of a Sunday school class standing in the halls or hanging out in the sanctuary after Bible study just talking and laughing and wrangling impatient kids and being in community together. The people doing that are the ones who are going to be a part of this church for a very long time. The younger ones doing that are part of this church’s future. Seeing that tells me that this church has much Gospel work yet to do in the years ahead of us.

In these next couple of verses we find Paul expressing more of his passion for them. Check this out: “Indeed, it is right for me to think this way about all of you, because I have you in my heart.” What is “this way” that Paul is thinking about them? It’s this relationship that I’ve been describing that exists in a healthy church context that Paul shared with the Philippian believers. He had invested in their lives and they in his. He had seen and experienced their exercising their faith. That’s why he never stopped thanking God in his prayers for them. It was why he was so confident that God was going to complete the work He had started in them. These people were in Paul’s heart in a special way.

But look at what he says next because this really matters. How did they come to occupy such a profound place in his heart? Because of the relationships they had built through being co-laborers in the body of Christ. “And you are all partners with me in grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel.” Paul and the Philippian believers had experienced and shared in the grace of God together both in good times and in bad. They had labored together to defend and proclaim the Gospel. They had ministered to Paul directly while he was in prison. This had happened through an intermediary named Epaphroditus (who we’ll talk about more directly in a few weeks) because Paul was in prison in Rome, not Philippi. But ministry from afar is still ministry.

As a result of this and to belabor the point (but only because Paul himself does), Paul had incredible affection for the Philippian believers. “For God is my witness, how deeply I miss all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus.” They were dear to him in a way few other people, few other churches were.

But again, this didn’t happen on its own. It happened because they both wanted it to happen. They sought it out intentionally. They put in the work to develop this deep, close relationship. They didn’t just stop at a Sunday morning visit, they came back on Wednesday night. They weren’t content with going to church at the same place, they endeavored to be the church together. And we are seeing the fruit here.

If this looks or sounds like something you want for yourself—this kind of close and abiding relationship with another group of people—rest assured that you can have it. It is within your reach. You simply have to put in the work. It won’t always be easy—intimate relationships never are—but when you are pursuing Christ together, His Spirit bearing His love covers a whole multitude of faults and failings. You won’t find anywhere else the kind of relationship with another person or group of people that is possible in Christ through the church. So, go for it. You’ll be glad you did.