I’ve got another blast from the past for you today. This one is the next part of the marriage series we pulled back out of the mothballs last week. We live in a culture that highly values equality and fairness. That commitment plays itself out in just about every area of our lives including our marriages. Marriages are supposed to be equal relationships of equal partners, right? Well, it depends on what you mean by equal. In this message we are going to do a deep dive into equality, talk about the kind of equality that does and doesn’t exist in marriage, and set our sights on something entirely higher than that (and far more consistent with the teachings of the apostles) as the goal we should be striving for together. Let’s take a look.
We’re going to go with a throwback post today. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about relationships and what it takes to really get them right. As a pastor, I tend to hear about everybody’s junk at some point. It may not be because they tell me about it directly, but I almost always manage to hear about it anyway. I can think of at least three couples who are at various points of struggling in their relationship without really trying. And, wouldn’t you know it, one of the posts that went live today almost ten years ago was a sermon I preached in a series on marriage. Our culture preaches the gospel of soulmates. According to this gospel, there is a person out there who is your soulmate. All you have to do is find them, and everything will be sunshine and rainbows from that point forward. And yet, what if something happens that leaves you thinking the person you thought was yours…isn’t anymore? Does that mean you were wrong this whole time? Nope, it means you’ve been thinking about it wrong the whole time. Let’s talk a walk down the blog’s memory lane today and have a conversation about relationships and marriage that still feels remarkably fresh almost ten years later.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourself. Everyone should look not to his own interests, but rather to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:3-4 CSB – Read the chapter)
I haven’t watched a whole lot of TV content lately, and as a result, I haven’t been doing the media reviews I normally do on Fridays. Actually, of late, these Friday posts have been a bit of a grabbag. Some days, I’m not sure what I’m going to write until pretty late in the game. Today is no exception. But God is faithful and life manages to keep churning out things worth talking about. In any event, I was having a conversation about marriage last night. We were talking specifically about the roles husbands and wives play and should play in the relationship. One of the statements we were reacting to was this: “I think we will be happier if there is an even balance of power in the relationship.” In a culture that is obsessed with power and who has how much, that’s a pretty significant statement to consider because your reaction is going to have a pretty significant impact to how you pursue your relationship. Let’s talk about it for a few minutes.
Every marriage story our culture tells is always in pursuit of living happily ever after. The trouble is that when you actually get into a marriage, there are seasons when happiness seems pretty fleeting. Complicating this is that we live in a culture that prizes personal happiness above just about everything else. You can perhaps see how this might create some unique challenges for the development of a strong and healthy marriage culture in our nation. The apostle Paul spoke into this challenge almost 2,000 years ago with some counsel that is hard to receive, but if we will receive it with open hands, it has some truly transformational power. As we continue our series, The Journey of a Lifetime, let’s talk about what the real goal of marriage is and why understanding that matters so much.
Happiness Isn’t the Goal
Before 1969 divorce in the United States was hard to come by. That year, the Republican governor of California, Ronald Reagan, signed into a law a bill that allowed for the first time in the nation something called no-fault divorce. Prior to that, if a husband and wife wanted to get out of their marriage, they had to be able to demonstrate enough of some kind of justifiable harm such as abuse, infidelity, abandonment, or something else sufficiently severe along those lines to convince a judge to grant their request. No-fault divorce laws, on the other hand, allowed for couples to simply cite “irreconcilable differences” without having to furnish any kind of proof to back up their claims. In what ought to go down as the least surprising outcome of a public policy ever, within about ten years, the divorce rate in the country more than doubled, bringing with it all of the various social problems associated with divorce.
One of the most offensive ideas the church has introduced to the world (at least as far as our culture reckons things) is that wives should submit to their husbands in the marriage relationship. Submission is just a dirty word. It’s so demeaning. It’s depressing. It’s dehumanizing even. And yet we are called to just such a thing in the Scriptures again and again. Paul is explicit about it being a part of the marriage journey. In this third part of our series, The Journey of a Lifetime, we are going to dive into Paul’s command to see if we can better understand why he gave it, what he meant, and why it is perhaps not nearly as bad of a thing as we have been led to believe. Let’s get started.
Dirty Words
Have you ever said a dirty word? Maybe don’t raise your hand on that one. How about this: Have you ever wondered what exactly makes a word a “bad word”? Culture certainly plays a big role, but I don’t think that’s the only factor involved. There is a common theme running through all of these words we aren’t supposed to say in polite company. Generally speaking, a word that gets classified as a “bad word” is a coarse or vulgar way to refer to marital relations, bodily functions, or religious condemnation. There are, of course, more polite or sophisticated ways to refer to all of these things, but in a moment of anger or irritation or even simply because we don’t know a better word, we go with the more common versions…and get our mouths washed out with soap.
