Happiness Isn’t the Goal

Every marriage story our culture tells is always in pursuit of living happily ever after. The trouble is that when you actually get into a marriage, there are seasons when happiness seems pretty fleeting. Complicating this is that we live in a culture that prizes personal happiness above just about everything else. You can perhaps see how this might create some unique challenges for the development of a strong and healthy marriage culture in our nation. The apostle Paul spoke into this challenge almost 2,000 years ago with some counsel that is hard to receive, but if we will receive it with open hands, it has some truly transformational power. As we continue our series, The Journey of a Lifetime, let’s talk about what the real goal of marriage is and why understanding that matters so much.

Happiness Isn’t the Goal

Before 1969 divorce in the United States was hard to come by. That year, the Republican governor of California, Ronald Reagan, signed into a law a bill that allowed for the first time in the nation something called no-fault divorce. Prior to that, if a husband and wife wanted to get out of their marriage, they had to be able to demonstrate enough of some kind of justifiable harm such as abuse, infidelity, abandonment, or something else sufficiently severe along those lines to convince a judge to grant their request. No-fault divorce laws, on the other hand, allowed for couples to simply cite “irreconcilable differences” without having to furnish any kind of proof to back up their claims. In what ought to go down as the least surprising outcome of a public policy ever, within about ten years, the divorce rate in the country more than doubled, bringing with it all of the various social problems associated with divorce. 

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Woman holding coffee and phone beside jar labeled COMMUNITY FUND

The Secret to Real Happiness

“And now, sons, listen to me; those who keep my ways are happy. Listen to instruction and be wise; don’t ignore it. Anyone who listens to me is happy, watching at my doors every day, waiting by the posts of my doorway. For the one who finds me finds life and obtains favor from the Lord, but the one who misses me harms himself; all who hate me love death.” (Proverbs‬ ‭8‬:‭32‬-‭36‬ ‭CSB‬‬ – Read the chapter)

We live in a world that constantly tells us we should be happy. All the time. If there is something about our circumstances that is making us not happy, we should change them, or at least get out of them. Happiness is always the goal. I even have a throw pillow somewhere in my house that says so. With little bees on it. Get it? All of this happiness is supposed to lead to our best life now. It even has a hashtag. The trouble is, the methods our culture offers to get us to that goal rarely work for long. Solomon offers us a way to get there that is much more reliable. Let’s talk about it.

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Toddler sitting with arms crossed in timeout while parent watches with hand on forehead

Summer Reruns: When Happiness Isn’t Enough

In this post from 2020, a reflection on parenting proves to be an invitation to a broader reflection on God’s commitment to seeing us become more fully who He made us to be. The challenge here is that He made us to be perfect reflections of His holiness and righteousness. Perhaps you have noticed, but we are not a particularly holy or righteous people on our own. Getting us to that point takes some work on His part. It is work He is willing to do, but it is work that we are not likely to enjoy, especially if we are very committed to the sin currently standing in the way of our reaching that point. Our happiness isn’t God’s goal. Our holiness is. Let’s look back together today to see some of what this means for us.

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Hiker walking on rocky mountain path towards sunrise with trekking poles

The Secret to Happiness

“Happy is a man who finds wisdom and who acquires understanding, for she is more profitable than silver, and her revenue is better than gold. She is more precious than jewels; nothing you desire can equal her. Long life is in her right hand; in her left, riches and honor. Her ways are pleasant, and all her paths, peaceful. She is a tree of life to those who embrace her, and those who hold on to her are happy.” (Proverbs 3:13-18 CSB – Read the chapter)

There are many things we are taught to pursue in this life. Money, celebrity, and power are chief among them. These, we are told, are the kinds of things that will make us happy. When we can afford whatever we want, when everybody likes us, and when we can get our way, all the bad feelings associated with not having those things will disappear. Perhaps…but the greater likelihood is that they will just take a different form. The Scriptures offer something else as the real pathway to happiness. It doesn’t look or work the same as what the world offers, but its success rate at achieving its ends is far higher. Let’s talk about what it is.

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Woman reading a Bible while sitting in a wooden church pew

Do You Want to Be Happy?

“Taste and see that the Lord is good. How happy is the person who takes refuge in him!” (Psalm 34:8 CSB – Read the chapter)

We live in a culture that obsessively pursues happiness. Whatever it is that makes you happy is what you should do. That’s the message we receive. You shouldn’t have to feel bad feelings. If you do, there’s a way to make them go away. Get rid of that habit. Change your job. Sell your house. Cut off that relationship. Take this pill. Go on that vacation. In fact, not only should you never have to be unhappy, but you shouldn’t even have to be inconvenienced, uncomfortable, or bored. There’s an app for that. As a pastor who can trend a bit in the direction of cynicism, but who has spent a lot of time over a lot of years in the Scriptures, my first reaction is to roll my eyes at all of this and offer up the standard line about happiness being a fleeting emotion while joy is the deeper and richer virtue. Happiness is circumstantial, but joy is a state of being. But for just a minute this morning, let’s assume on the importance of happiness. If happiness is really what you want to experience, let’s take a look at what the data says about how to achieve that.

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